In our church group last night, some women were talking about whether they were natural nurturers (for example, who loved the baby phase) or not. I just listened, reflecting, not knowing for sure where I land.
I didn’t mind the baby phase at all. I was present with my babies, wearing them and breastfeeding well beyond the expected timeframe. They slept in my bed with me. I was the primary caregiver by far— we never used a bottle or even a pacifier. That means baby was on mommy for many hours a day!
But I also crammed in as much other stuff as I could reasonably do, multitasking to great lengths. I have worked on the computer while nursing a baby; I have read novels and scriptures, taking notes and posting insights to social media; I have had conversations doing health consulting with many clients while nursing a baby; I have ordered large shipments and packed boxes not only while caring for a baby or toddler but in the very act of labor as well! 🤣
I gave my 6-week old to the YMCA childcare for 1-2 hours at a time every day to train for a marathon. Was that really something that couldn’t wait? I don’t know, I’m just crazy.
So, yes, I was a nurturer.
But I was also very distracted, achievement-oriented and I’m not sure you’d say I make my kids a priority.
(My teenage daughter has an inside joke with me that mothering isn’t really my thing)
I’ve often asking myself, looking back, how much of my mothering was a result of my LDS culture. Maybe wanting and expecting a good number of children was LDS influenced, and the fact that I stayed home was as well.
But no, it was largely a result of my crunchy mama belief system and tribe. I had the opportunity to become a mom in Corvallis/Salem, Oregon, and was heavily influenced by the culture there.
A lot of my friends weren’t even LDS. They were homebirthers, extended breastfeeders, homesteaders (I never caught on to that one), attachment parenting moms.
When my first born was going to be turning 5, and I knew the normal thing was to enroll him in school, I realized how unnatural that felt. I thought, I wasn’t going to let somebody else raise my kid for 30 hours a week! I wouldn’t miss out on that!
So would I have done it differently?
I’m a busy chick who tries to have the best of both worlds. Sometimes I have been self centered, too stressed to show up well, or just flat out not the greatest mom.
But after leaving the LDS church I still have to admit, children are a heritage of the Lord.
The greatest work I can do is within the walls of my own home!
Children are super precious, and I am so blessed to have 5 of them. I became a mom at 21 years old and “missed out” on many things. In some ways I grew up fast, but in some ways I am still so sheltered because I’ve spent 20 years at home with kids. And I can feel the effects! It’s awkward, but my work has been holy.
And for me, that’s what I needed and wanted. For me, spending most of my day with my kids has been the best thing in my life.
All I Possess 