Could you all pray for me? My faith transition has reached a difficult chapter.
The honeymoon is over, but there is work to be done—a lot of timely mental work and a lot of heavy emotional work.
My hyperfocus drive wants me to consume content at mass speed. I really want to study, take notes, write out documents, discuss, and produce social media content.
And yet I’m exhausted, and, as a working mom, I lack the hours to do that.
I jumped into my new culture and it has been really exciting.
But a couple events lately gave me some overwhelm and hesitancy, mostly with culture shock.
I can’t go back. No, I am too appalled and disgusted to ever go back, or even “fake it.”
But I don’t have the time and energy to go forward as quickly as I’d like to.
I’m not sure I can continue with my chronological Bible study as we move into Leviticus and Numbers. Too much brain work. Today I just found myself putting on a Bible Recap video about the gospels. I just need to take it easy.
My brain can’t take anymore.
My nervous system needs rest.
This has all been quite stressful. Exciting, but just too much to take in. Too much brain power trying to cram so much Bible and cultural knowledge in, this last year.
I have pages of notes and ideas for our podcast. But it feels so overwhelming.
The last month or so, my stress has come to a head. My inflammation spiked. My sleep is poor. My calendar feels very, very full.
I need to rest.
I’m not sure how to proceed.
But alas. I remember how beautifully orchestrated it was last year. From my ward stepping back, to people showing me problems with church history, to God giving me palpable experiences with the Holy Spirit, to my two wonderful friends who deconstructed with me and listened to many hours of me processing things.
And timing the Reset class at church just right, so I could compare doctrines and learn what I need to know about actual Biblical Christianity.
He’s introduced me to so many wonderful Christian friends and resources.
So many other factors and steps—the timing was perfect.
God was certainty there. He led me.
He had me then, and I know he has me now.
All I Possess 