All I Possess

Today I want to reflect on some of our experiences serving in leadership callings in the LDS church.

I have served in both Primary and Relief Society presidencies (as well as several more mundane callings like primary pianist, the Relief Society activities committee, and Cub Scout leader).

The Primary counselor calling was fairly uneventful.

But the Relief Society counselor — that was my JAM!! It’s a combination of administration, teaching, and caregiving. I am really great at all three of these, if I can say so myself (and in the Christian world you’re allowed to say so! It’s called knowing your spiritual gifts.)

I loved being able to teach every couple months and design my own lessons based on whatever I felt passionate about and felt inspired to teach.

I loved having a voice in the decision making process.

I discovered a new talent, a new drive, to befriend those who were alone or different, and to provide compassionate service to the needy. I formed many friendships during this time that have continued on to today! Friendships with some ladies my parents’ age — but meaningful relationships. I never would have done that without the LDS church giving me a structure and a reason for it.

And finally, I had my first go at participating in presidency meetings and sitting in on the infamous Ward Council meetings.

Now, Relief Society presidency meetings surprised me. I don’t want to sound like I’m talking against my friends — I still very much love Cathy, Marie, and Kathleen. Cathy, the President, has been a huge influence for me in my life. It was really special to bond with her. We both have holistic health and alternative education in common and would also talk about the scriptures in depth, last days prophecies, Isaiah, and more. There will always be a very special place in my heart for her.

But see, I’m just not sure how inspired she was, in this calling. In our meetings we did not seek God’s guidance. At least not together, I can’t speak for what she did alone or in the temple. They really weren’t super spiritual. We would talk at length about situations with ladies in the ward (it felt like gossip to me) and then come up with plans and divvy up assignments without any real inspired course of action. We didn’t usually pray over our decisions. We didn’t do any sort of intercession prayer for the people struggling (well that’s a concept completely unknown to Mormons. They just know how to pray blindly over slips of paper.)

Maybe one reason we didn’t seek God’s guidance was because it didn’t matter anyway. Time and time again, we gave names to the bishop for callings and he would reject them. A lot of times he would just go forward with whoever he wanted to call.

We just didn’t have much authority or influence to enact our ideas anyway. So why go through the trouble of getting inspired ideas?

So a lot of times we just brainstormed, even became discouraged, or sat there, not knowing what to do. My first impression after participating in a presidency meeting—I’m sorry to say, but I’m an honest person who tells it like it is—was that it was a glorified gossip session. Lots of inside information. And I loved that.

Ward Council seemed like a waste of time, talking to death over ward decisions that the bishopric would probably just decide anyway. A few times we would be reminded by the higher-ups that we needed to spend Ward council time talking about families in need and how we can come together to serve them, instead of ward activities or ward decisions.

But I only attended a couple times, since I was a mere counselor. R can tell you more what it was like as an Elders Quorum president and ward mission leader. Maybe we will discuss this in an upcoming podcast episode.

But I can speak as the wife of a seminary teacher. In Oregon this was an unpaid, lay position. A daily position that involved a couple hours of lesson prep and an hour of teaching. Every day.

We were pretty young—it was just a few years after we got married! But it was an indicator that we were climbing the elite ranks, so I didn’t mind at all. It worked out, we weren’t a super busy family. And I was really glad that it was getting R into his scriptures so he could be more “spiritual.”

But speaking of climbing the elite ranks, I do want to admit how defeated I felt after our move to Utah when we both seemed to be demoted. Neither of us had another presidency position, or anything of significant influence. In our Utah ward we were Cub Scout leaders, youth Sunday School teachers, and YSA advisors. Bleh.

I’m not sure why this was. Maybe our ward had plenty of willing people, so they let parents of young children off the hook. Or maybe they all thought I was a freak ever since I wouldn’t mask up during Covid! Or a homeschool freak. Or just a busy homeschool mom. Or maybe God just stepped in for us so I could have another thing to fuel dissatisfaction and then some privacy to go through my faith crisis.

I prefer to look at it that last way.☺️