A year ago, I spent the month of December wondering what does it mean to be a Christian?
I didn’t know that question was connected to a faith crisis. I wouldn’t have told you I was in faith crisis at that point. I would have just said Brigham Young was a false prophet but everything else is hunky dory.
But the question just gnawed at me. At my whole soul. I wanted with every ounce of myself to be a Christian!
I can’t tell you exactly when I found an answer to the question, but a huge part of that process was attending The Well and learning what the Bible actually teaches. When I started worshipping Jesus, the yearning within me was satisfied. I finally felt like a Christian.
I keep mentioning this because I’m looking for words to describe it. I can’t.
But my mind was BLOWN.
Singing worship songs at The Well my first few times brought this amazing epiphany over me. So much bigger than an epiphany—how can I even say this?
Lightning struck me. I was overcome. The Holy Spirit consumed me.
I’ve been missing out on the key feature of Christianity my entire life!! I always defended my church, insisting I was Christian! But I didn’t know the core book of Christianity, I rejected many of its doctrines, and I had such a false conception of who God is.
Wow!
But another part of becoming a Christian was realizing I was still a sinner.
Even though I held a temple recommend and I did all the things so perfectly.
But lately God has shown me my shame. Abject humility. It’s almost enough for me to cower in my bedroom and never come out—if it weren’t for relying on God and His grace every single day.
I hurt people I love.
On a regular basis.
It pains me.
I’m deathly afraid of hurting my LDS son and pushing him away. I don’t know how to handle that situation. I am completely at God’s mercy.
But God’s Word taught me that even though I am still a sinner and I always will be, He loves me infinitely and I am saved!
That’s such a miracle!!!
Glory to Jesus!
I am nothing, NOTHING. My works are filthy rags.
All my righteousness I’ve probably done for selfish reasons.
But I never knew this as a Mormon. As a Mormon I was completely puffed up. I knew everything, and I was better than everyone. I would be a God someday—I had total confidence!
I just shake my head at that now.
I wish I could share this with them. But they won’t listen. They are very programmed to put up walls and avoid everything that would challenge their faith. But knowing this would only bring them closer to God! That is the tragedy of the LDS religion. I am still processing this grief and betrayal.
But, give it to God! He is Almighty!
🎄 Merry Christmas 🎁
All I Possess 