All I Possess

This is one of the songs that really struck me when I started attending The Well.

My first few weeks, I was open to feeling but I was mostly thinking.

I would watch the words on the screen and think seriously about the lyrics — because these lyrics are pretty different from the hymns I’m used to.

They are built on Biblical passages and would teach me doctrine.

But this song just said the simple statement “I owe it all to Jesus.”

For some reason, though, my Mormon brain wasn’t resonating with this statement.

For one thing, I usually thank Heavenly Father for my blessings, not Jesus. Heavenly Father sent me to earth and gave the plan of salvation.

Jesus just did his job, right?

The thing Heavenly Father sent him to do. But everything else is all about Heavenly Father, not Jesus.

But for another thing, I didn’t feel like I owed “it ALL” to God. I have “used my agency” and have done good things in my life, so I should get some credit for that, right?

I mean, if the Mormons teach that you’re saved after all YOU could do, then it seems I should get some credit for the things I did.

Let’s see…

I followed the Word of Wisdom, not just as commonly taught but all the extra optional things too. ✅

I paid 10% of my income, giving up fancy vacations and other luxuries so that I could be worthy of temple blessings. ✅

I attended church every week, even on vacation, sang in the choir, and did every calling asked of me. ✅

I printed off my own family names, taught others to do the same, attended the temple, and invited several friends and family members to go “serve” at the temple with me. ✅

I taught my kids the scriptures. We did only church-related activities and consumed only church material on Sundays. ✅

I did my visits and reached out to those in need, even extra people I wasn’t assigned to. ✅

I had a “righteous Mormon” number of children, sacrificing my own comfort, time, and energy. ✅

I wore garments all the time, even when exercising, and wore extra-modest clothing. ✅

I avoided hard rock music and bad movies. ✅

I don’t say curse words. ✅

So if I sacrificed all those things, and earned blessings in my life, then why do I owe it all to God?

I know I’m writing this in satire, but it still feels yucky to me. I can’t believe I’m saying these things, and I can’t believe there is a religion that teaches people this is how spirituality works.

Let alone salvation.

This is NOT how salvation works.

This is NOT how “getting blessings” works.

(Even “the prophet” has a quote about how you can earn any blessing you want. Just study the laws that govern blessings and be obedient to those laws. It’s a very matter-of-fact, transactional relationship with God.)

This is NOT how righteousness works.

This is NOT WHO GOD IS.

I have become so passionate about this: the Mormon church does not understand God.

The Mormon church does not understand salvation.

I understand exactly why Christians say Mormons aren’t Christians, or why Mormons believe in a different Jesus.

I agree with them.

And it’s embarrassing.

I owe everything I am to Jesus Christ, who is “God himself.”

I owe all the good things in my life to Jesus. I did nothing to earn them.

Jesus gives me breath each day.

He gives me the physical strength I use to do all these things. He gives me the mental clarity I use to understand all these things. He gives me the compassionate heart I use to serve others. He gives me the obedient heart I have to follow his commandments. He gives me these righteous desires.

He gives everything to me.

I owe it all, all to Jesus all.

One name: Jesus.