It was 4 months after I “found Jesus” and started going to my new church. My husband had been super concerned and weighed down about my change.
He said he felt like the contract we made at marriage was being altered, and I wasn’t being true to the terms of the contract (Basically that we’d both be true to the church and have an eternal family).
In these 4 months he had dropped 20 lbs unintentionally. Basically he stopped eating and was overcome with fear and anxiety.
He wasn’t showing all of this to me — he was trying to give me space to use my agency, and he wanted to support my decision to be involved in my new church—but it was definitely causing some stress as he felt very conflicted. And the future was so uncertain. How would this affect our marriage and family? How would this affect everything we are familiar with?
So after 4 months of this, the tension was rising. He kept trying to supervise me, to keep tabs on what I was listening to, and to understand the things that were influencing me. He would bring up concerns that would just end up in doctrinal debates.
We had started praying together, both really wanting to come to an agreement. We were both praying for me to “remember my testimony” and come back.
Yes, I was praying for that too. This wasn’t what I asked for — I wasn’t looking to upturn our life like this!
I just wanted Jesus, and this is where I felt He was leading me.
But at the same time, I felt like I had gone as far as I could go. I couldn’t progress any further in my Christian involvement on my own. I couldn’t know for sure about the new things I was feeling. I needed a second witness.
I needed my other half to verify this for me, to experience it with me.
I told God this.
I basically said, This is how You’ve led me. I really want to get more involved at The Well but You told me to wait. And I think I’m understanding true doctrines, but I need some validation. I need a second witness, Lord. Please show these things to my husband. This is in Your hands now. I’ve gone as far as I can go.
Meanwhile, yes, my husband was struggling a lot, but his prayers were earnest. He wanted peace. He wanted to know what was true and what to do.
Then one day God came to him.
It’s his story to tell.
But he invited me into his holy space. He told me how he’d spent some time praying and how the Holy Spirit had just flooded over him like nothing he had ever experienced before.
So we took an hour to just pray, hold each other, and sit with this.
He was in this holy space, but I was skeptical.
I was a doubting Thomas.
I wasn’t sure what to think.
After all the conflict we had had, was this real?
So he sat there feeling holy, and I sat there bawling.
After a while of crying, what came to me was just this sense of untangling.
My mind was twisting and turning. Unraveling.
I had taken my garments off 48 hours earlier. It was like a detox was going on.
My mind was now free.
It was trying to wrangle itself out of all the twists, all the knots.
Years of brainwashing.
But I think this was the moment God was coming in, casting out this darkness that had affected both of us. And I was feeling its departure.
My husband says ever since that day, his fear is gone. It was gone in an instant.
He was born again.
He came to Jesus—truly. He began singing worship songs that day.
He began praying and meditating much longer, with open arms, just sitting in the Spirit.
Experiencing joy for the first time ever.
Knowing God in a new way, a way the Mormon church never offered us.
He was one way, and now he was another. And the thing that happened in between was Him.
He was now singing for the first time, ever. (He said he owes me 20 years of love songs!) He found his voice. The fear had been blocking it. But not just fear those last 4 months, but a lifetime of anxiety and feeling bottled up.
A lifetime of not being his genuine self.
Having no connection to or concept of his real Divine identity.
Until God came to Him.
That was almost 2 months ago. These two months we have been more in love than ever. We sing worship songs together and separately almost every day. We pray together twice a day.
And the prayers are different now.
It’s not a laundry list anymore. It’s not about requests.
It’s praise.
Its connection.
Just seeking pure connection with the Holy Spirit.
There’s an amazing energy that comes when we sing worship songs. The lyrics are all Bible based, but just so heartfelt and vulnerable. Really focused on Jesus as King, as redeemer, as healer, as God.
And Jesus saves.
It’s really that simple.
All I Possess 